friend or foe? you decide

Saturday, March 28, 2020


Friendship is something everyone longs to have.  To have someone who is always there for you no matter what, who loves to talk and hang out with you, share goofy stories with, laugh with and cry with.  To have a deep and meaningful friendship is wonderful, but no friendship is perfect.        

That being said, what makes a friend, a friend?  According to Google, a friend is someone you “share a bond of mutual affection with.”  Ideally, a friend is someone who offers love and respect and will never betray you or stop loving you.  They will stick up for you when you are being beaten down by other people.  They will talk to you about anything, whether it be full of funny stories and reminiscing over fond memories or receiving/giving serious and meaningful insights.  They will laugh with you and they will cry with you.  Even when they haven’t seen you in a while, you can pick up where you left off because of the bonds of friendship you share.  They forgive your imperfections.  They have your best interest at heart and won’t just give you cheap talk.  They care enough about you to tell you the truth even if it’s hard. A true friend doesn’t want to hurt you.  A true friend wants what is best for you and looks out for you.  And sometimes, part of looking out for someone means telling them what they don’t want to hear.

Your friends are not God.  They are not perfect.  As with any relationship, you have to realize that it is not there to fill a void that only God is capable of filling.  Friends are the people that can enjoy the journey of life with you.          

The Bible has a lot to say about friendship.  One key part of any friendship is honesty.  This is something I have struggled with and still do struggle with.  For me, it’s hard to be honest when it comes to telling my friend what I really think about a situation they are in if I know they won’t like what I have to say.  Proverbs 27:5-6 says, “better is open rebuke than love that is concealed.  Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.”  That’s a hard pill to swallow.  As a friend, I want to be able to be open and honest but it can be hard to tell the truth sometimes, especially when you don’t know how your friends are going to take it.  Being on the other end of that can be difficult as well, because when you have a friend who is just trying to help you by revealing to you the truth of the situation, we might not like what they have to say.  But as it says in Proverbs 19:20, “listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days.”  The people that influence us the most are not the ones who arrest us with their continual chatter but those who live their lives like the flowers in the field or the stars in the sky- simple, and unaffected.  Honest and true.  Those are the lives that build us up and lead us in the right way.                      

Sometimes issues between friends can threaten to separate that relationship.  Sometimes it’s better to let things go, especially if the issue is getting nowhere.  Proverbs 17:9 says, “he who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.”  Sometimes we feel the need to work out the problem until it is completely solved, but the thing is, friends don’t agree on everything and the situation isn’t always going to turn out the way we want.  By continuing to press at an issue it could turn friends away from each other rather than resolve the situation at hand. 

When you look at your friends, be ready to go through the good and the bad with them.  Don’t expect to agree on everything and never have any problems.  Because trust me, that’s not the case.  Instead, be ready to forgive their imperfections as well as admit your own imperfections.  As you journey on in your friendships and face certain trials which are bound to happen, seek the Lord for guidance and search your heart so that you would know if you are being a friend or a foe.                

            

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