Fear

Thursday, October 29, 2020

 


         Fear.  It creeps up on us, seeping into our flesh and planting roots in our ribcage, its weeds inundate our bones. It lets lose its vines around our throat and tightens its grasp until we can no longer breathe.  It is a controlling monster that lurks deep inside of us, eager to overtake our being.    

 

Fear is a game your mind plays, offering different levels of difficulty.  At each level lay an obstacle that stands in the way of progress.  We are often afraid of moving onto the next level because we do not want to cross the obstacle that stands in our way.     

 

Fear is a perspective.  When our mind is in fear mode we don’t want to move further because we are scared that we could fail or get hurt.   

 

Fear is a liar, and if we let fear take control we are really just distrusting in the goodness of God.  Becoming slaves to fear is so much worse than acquiring a few scars from falls taken along the way.  When we let fear take control, we will look back at our lives with regret for all the times we could have and should have done something but we didn’t.  We will never learn the valuable lessons that come with pushing past our apprehensiveness and we most definitely will lose out on learning who we are and what we are capable of.  There comes a tipping point when inaction is even more painful then action, even if the action itself is extremely painful or scary.         

 

Sometimes God may call you to go out of your comfort zone, and you might wonder why God is choosing you for a certain task. You might think you’re not the right person or capable of fulfilling what God is calling you to do.  But here’s the thing, God doesn’t always use the people we think are the most fit for the job.  Look at King David.  He was the youngest of his brothers, the little shepherd boy, not the strongest or the smartest. But God had other plans and was using that time to bring David closer to Him and refine him, even when everyone else thought what he was doing wasn't very important.  To God he was a king.  In the process of preparing David, God pushed him past his apprehensiveness.  He fought a lion and a bear, protecting his sheep.  He killed Goliath with a sling and a stone.  No one thought he was capable of doing such things.  It is through our weaknesses that God’s power is made perfect. 

 

We’re not always going to be fully equipped or ready to do every hard thing that comes our way, but that doesn’t mean we just ignore it and not do it.  When you start to feel fear creeping in on you when you are torn between taking the easy way out or persevere to do what is right: don’t focus on being strong, focus on obeying God- even if you are afraid.  Because all effort, even failed effort, produces growth.           

 

“For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes” (Proverbs 24:16).  We need to ask the Lord to help us be as the righteous, not backing down when we fail but eager to try again and again to do what is right because we know that is what brings glory to God. 

 

Do the thing you think you cannot do.  Because until then, you will never be able to experience the growth, confidence and courage you will assuredly attain when you stop to look fear in the face and take action.  We don’t gain strength by doing what we know we can do or limiting ourselves to stay in our comfort zone.  We become strong when we overcome that which we once thought we could not.      

 

It is easy to let fear take the lead because it is just a reaction.  It can be hard to push past our fears because we have to choose to be courageous. But get this: “Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).  “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).    

 

Even Paul when talking to the Ephesians, asked for help with fear saying, “Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel” (Ephesians 6:19).  Paul would not have asked for prayer to be fearless unless he himself was struggling with fear.  But he did not want fear to cripple him, stopping him from doing the work he knew the Lord wanted him to do.    

 

Embark upon a God given journey that has been perfectly planned out just for you by an omnipotent, omniscient God.  Don’t let fear be a stumbling block for you in being who God has called you to be.  Cut your vines and upheave the roots from your ribcage.  Loosen its grasp from your throat, and experience the renewal of respiration as the breath is restored to your lungs.  Adventure is calling.                 

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Soft summer

Sunday, August 30, 2020


It was an August night.  Most of the summer gone, and the new autumn still waiting to be born.  The dripping cotton candy sky hangs on the horizon, stretching its embellished hue to last just a little while longer.           

They sat in the car pulled over on the road, throwbacks pouring out from the speakers, a sense of nostalgia flooding the moment.  The boy’s dark eyes shone as he watched the sun continue to set, the colors in the sky blending into one.  The girl watched too, her mind in deep thought.          

She closed her eyes.  What is it like to feel summer?  His question lingered in her mind.  She thought of the exuding grapefruit skies that watched over gently crashing waves.  Soft sunrays that caressed her face before the sun went to sleep.  Her clothes smelled of bonfire.  A mild embrace of warm wind that would sweep through her honey glazed hair and her lightly floating sundress.  Laughter, happiness.  Laying on the grass, under the shade of a cherry tree, a good book in hand.  Cool water refreshing her body.  Her gentle fingers running through the wind on a long drive home.  Gazing up at the night sky searching for endless constellations.  Fresh fruit and ice cream.  Sand between her toes, salty air filling her lungs.  The warmth of the sun on her skin, like a much needed hug.  A sigh of relief.  A fresh start. 

She opened her eyes because she knew.      

“Soft,” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.  She smiled.  “Summer is soft.”         
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Why I love America

Thursday, August 27, 2020


The year is 1787.  A crisp autumn breeze sweeps through the Scottish hills.  Not a star lay in the sky, and the night is pitch black.  Marion McLeamont raises the flickering candle over each of her sibling’s faces, taking in all of their features.  She turns to her mother, the light of the candle highlights the crevices by her eyes revealing the many smiles she’s worn through the years.  She looks down to see the calluses in her father’s hands from working in the fields.  Then she looks into his eyes.  Deep, dark eyes full of hope.  Then she grabs her lover’s hand, and turns to the ship - away from all she ever knew.              

The above story is not an unusual story, but rather a story similar to the sacrifice many first generation Americans made.  This is just a glimpse of my heritage, but I am sure many Americans would not have to look very far to find the sacrifices their ancestors made in pursuit of the American dream. 

America did not start out as a country.  It started out as an idea.  A dream.  Our founding fathers had the passion and drive to make that dream a reality.  When they signed the Declaration, a bounty was put on their head, they were acutely aware of what they were giving up for the sake of liberty.  “O beautiful for patriot dream that see beyond the years…” The words in America the Beautiful describe them quite well. Their vision was so much more than just the here and now.  They were laying a foundation of freedom for the future generations to come.  Without this courageous era of men and women we would not get to experience the opportunity and prosperity America has to offer.

Many people came to America with nothing and fled persecution of religion, social class and thought.  But despite what they lacked, and the set backs they surely went through, they worked hard, they were passionate and determined to get the job done.  They created families and passed on to their children and their children’s children the idea that it doesn’t matter where you come from, how much money you make or what your last name is, you can be whatever you want to be no matter your background.  It is not about leveling the playing field, it is about being free to become whoever God intends you to be and pursuing the right to a better life.      

I have ancestors who have been fighting for the freedom of this beautiful country since the time of America’s birth.  From the Revolutionary war, to the Civil war, to the World Wars, the Korean war and the Vietnam War, and in all branches of the military.   They were willing to sacrifice all that they had because they cherished freedom.  They valued the unlimited possibilities America offered them so much that they risked their lives so that others could experience its freedoms as well.  It is without a doubt that there is no other nation on this earth that has fought harder or sacrificed more to fight for the self-respect and freedom of man than that of America.                   

“O beautiful for heroes proved
In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved
And mercy more than life!
America! America!
May God thy gold refine,
Till all success be nobleness,
And every gain divine!“

                  Why do I love America?  Because America is a beacon of light to the rest of the world.  We were brought together clinging to the truth that “all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”  The history of America is rich.  Yes, we have fought in many wars, even a war amongst ourselves.  There have been ugly times.  However, we have overcome.  We seek to do what is right and pursue the one thing every fellow American has in common – the desire to be free.   

We have been given a great inheritance, bought with the blood and tears of those who have gone before us.  Now is the time, we as fellow Americans must not let the sacrifice of our ancestors die in vain, and pursue freedom until our final breath.  
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I wrote this for a competition through the Epoch Times.  Looking around at our country today, the very idea of America is at stake.  It’s important for people to realize what makes America so beautiful and why it is worth taking a stand for.  I hope this writing of mine reminded you of the value and dignity America has so beautifully portrayed for many years, and I pray, for many more years to come. 
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freedom

Friday, July 24, 2020


free·dom
/ˈfri:dəm/

noun

1. there is no elixir like returning to the endless sea which meets the extensive horizon.

2. the salted waves lick my legs and the sun kisses my skin.  how can we know the shipwrecked lullabies of those who went before us?  did they feel pain the way we sometimes feel it, when our chains drag us down?  those chains of bondage and despair.  perhaps they made it to this place- this place of rebirth and vibrant life, where they can find a joy so bold it can never be taken away from them. 

3. however we get there, I’m willing to try. to reach the untamable expanse of opportunity.  to reach the feeling of being fully alive.  the place we go to be healed, to be made new.  where our chains may sever and evanesce. 

4. how can we know the heart of the Creator who brought this feeling to reality?  it’s in His love this place is found. it’s in His arms we go to experience this feeling, so rapid with life.

5. it is here my Savior breaks my chains.  it is here my soul finds rest.
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the start of something new

Monday, June 8, 2020


Shuffling through the pages, its cover worn and signs of clearly been flipped through before.  A book of memories still etched in a girl’s brain.  A book of mistakes made and lessons learned.  Tales told of the beauty of growth and how shyness blossoms into confidence just as a flower blooms.  Discovering the crevices and learning to love the small things.  A grand adventure, not because it’s a story of brave knights and heroic courage- but a story of unveiling the ordinary, to find it is not so ordinary after all.

A life that has been made up of countless memories.  A little girl, her attention snagged by the sight of a butterfly flitting her way.  Playing dress up and drinking tea on a picnic blanket spread across the field surrounded by flowers grown wild.  She lays there, entire dreamscapes unwinding, taking flight in her mind. She runs through the trees, eagerly embracing the feeling of adventure that wraps her bones and floods her soul, as she experiences the authenticity of the beauty that surrounds her.  Air tinted with the scent of adventure fills her lungs and nostrils, and tangled forests and exuberant treasures lay hidden within her frame.  A little girl, made in love, her heart pumps joy faster than her blood can keep up.  

As she grows, she meets new people and explores new places and ideas.  She learns that life is not always easy and at times hard things are demanded of her.  There are vile things in the world she lives in but she must learn to resist conforming to what is not meant for her.  It is inevitable to escape corruption, but she hangs on to the knowledge of a man whose death conquered all evil and freed her from fears that threatened to trap her in a cage.       

Undoubtedly, she makes mistakes.  She falters often, not always saying the right things, or doing what she knows is right and true. But you cannot watch a flower bloom.  Growth is a process and assuredly our desire to develop and improve does not result in perfect execution.  But it is through those mistakes she learns to flourish.  She learns humility and kindness and her timid nature sprouts wings, expanding towards the horizons of confidence and determination.  And yet despite all of the knowledge and skills she has acquired, she still has so much more to learn. 

Why her Creator yearns for her to effloresce, He does not allow her to do it on her own.  When the skies are at peace or when the rain takes over, He protects her from the storms.  While at times it is tempting, she’s learning not to depend on her own heart, but trust in the one who will never fail, or ever leave her.   

Her life is a story, spelt out on every line.  All of the things she took for granted, the details, and little everyday things, have proven to play a bigger role in her life than she’d ever imagined.  All the little moments gone unnoticed, the small details hidden within the fissures.  Learning to see the beauty and experience the joy in the little things so often overlooked.  What a pleasure it is to see how those small things pertain to something so much more. 

She’s entering a new phase of life.  A stage she’s been dreaming of for as long as she can remember.  As a little girl, sprawled out on the grass, staring into the sky, watching the clouds take shape as she imagines different versions of the life she could one day live.  Behind all of her castles in the sky, lay newfound freedoms, new faces, new opportunities. 

She’s older now, and excitement shines in her eyes as she watches her dreams begin to take flight.  She wants to do all of it.  She wants to learn all she can and see and hear and feel and taste all that she can and speak all of the words in her heart. But it’s infuriating to know that she cannot do everything, or comprehend everything and she does not know how to articulate all of the things she feels so deeply and wants to share so fervently.  But she understands she is not meant to be able to do everything.  And why it is frustrating at times it’s also alleviating to know her role here on earth is only to serve and bring glory to the Maker of the Universe and the Savior of the world.  That alone is the most wondrous thing she could ever do in all of her life.         

Life can look and feel so ordinary and it’s so easy to waste time because we’re missing out on what’s right it front of us or have taken for granted the life we’ve been given.  But life is so much more than just a time to exist.  It’s a time to live, a time to embrace every moment and experience love and joy as best we can.  Yes, pain is inevitable.  But joy always comes after the sorrow.  This once a little girl is growing.  She’s not a little girl anymore.  Yes, she’s wasted plenty of time before.  Yes, she’s been naïve and said foolish things before. 

But her story is not over yet.         

She does not know the number of pages left to this Once Upon a Time…but she trusts the Author to fill them as He sees fit.  She longs to know of all the places they may lead or the people they may meet or the ideas they shall surely discover.  The ink on the pages thus far explores all she has been through.  Lost roads, and dark corners and heavy work- yet also constant love and incandescent happiness.  She keeps reading the words from the Author’s pen, for she knows He’ll fill the pages right before she reaches the Great Story, a story no earthly being has ever read. 

Like a butterfly, her wings unfold and take flight towards the start of something new.


  
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rooftops

Sunday, April 5, 2020



A boy sat on the rooftop, his legs crossed and his arms wrapped around his shins.  He sat there, waiting for the sunset to reach its peak and its colors to explode in a peaceful vibrancy only the sky knew how to perform.  

A girl climbed out of the window of the neighboring apartment and watched him.  Her glassy green eyes met his cloudy grey ones and locked onto them.  She had paint strokes on her arms and messily braided hair.  She painted stories onto canvases and it gave her a feeling of excitement that shone in her smiling face.

“Hey,” she said, as she climbed over next to him.  “Hey,” he echoed.  The girl sat down, positioning her legs in the same position as the boy, resting her chin on her knees.   “My paint brush could never articulate the details of the beauty that my eyes can see.”   

The boy, sifting his hand through his ruffled hair thought deeply.  He glanced her way once, then turned his attention back to the sky before speaking.  

“If the canvas could hold such splendor, we wouldn’t have to come outside to enjoy it.” 

“You don’t say a lot, you know- but yet you do,” her cheeks flushed as she watched him smile at her. 

“Thanks,” he replied shyly.  “Being out here,” she went on, “fills me with a feeling of hope.  There’s a lot of darkness in this world, but seeing this beauty- helps me believe that divine good does prevail.  Despite what pain we feel sometimes, there’s always something good for us to look forward to.  Even if it’s in the little things- like this sunset.”  The boy relaxed his shoulders.  “I like that,” he smiled gently. 

They continued watching the sky, its pastel colors alternating back and forth, the clouds forming different shapes.  The sun continued to lower under the ever-expanding horizon, until shortly, it became entirely out of view.  The sky turned into a deep blue sea, its vastness overflowing with stars.  The moon shone in the background, the stars continuing to develop, not daring to escape the night.  The two sat watching, in awe of the beauty that enveloped them on the apex of the rooftop.                            
  
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friend or foe? you decide

Saturday, March 28, 2020


Friendship is something everyone longs to have.  To have someone who is always there for you no matter what, who loves to talk and hang out with you, share goofy stories with, laugh with and cry with.  To have a deep and meaningful friendship is wonderful, but no friendship is perfect.        

That being said, what makes a friend, a friend?  According to Google, a friend is someone you “share a bond of mutual affection with.”  Ideally, a friend is someone who offers love and respect and will never betray you or stop loving you.  They will stick up for you when you are being beaten down by other people.  They will talk to you about anything, whether it be full of funny stories and reminiscing over fond memories or receiving/giving serious and meaningful insights.  They will laugh with you and they will cry with you.  Even when they haven’t seen you in a while, you can pick up where you left off because of the bonds of friendship you share.  They forgive your imperfections.  They have your best interest at heart and won’t just give you cheap talk.  They care enough about you to tell you the truth even if it’s hard. A true friend doesn’t want to hurt you.  A true friend wants what is best for you and looks out for you.  And sometimes, part of looking out for someone means telling them what they don’t want to hear.

Your friends are not God.  They are not perfect.  As with any relationship, you have to realize that it is not there to fill a void that only God is capable of filling.  Friends are the people that can enjoy the journey of life with you.          

The Bible has a lot to say about friendship.  One key part of any friendship is honesty.  This is something I have struggled with and still do struggle with.  For me, it’s hard to be honest when it comes to telling my friend what I really think about a situation they are in if I know they won’t like what I have to say.  Proverbs 27:5-6 says, “better is open rebuke than love that is concealed.  Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.”  That’s a hard pill to swallow.  As a friend, I want to be able to be open and honest but it can be hard to tell the truth sometimes, especially when you don’t know how your friends are going to take it.  Being on the other end of that can be difficult as well, because when you have a friend who is just trying to help you by revealing to you the truth of the situation, we might not like what they have to say.  But as it says in Proverbs 19:20, “listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days.”  The people that influence us the most are not the ones who arrest us with their continual chatter but those who live their lives like the flowers in the field or the stars in the sky- simple, and unaffected.  Honest and true.  Those are the lives that build us up and lead us in the right way.                      

Sometimes issues between friends can threaten to separate that relationship.  Sometimes it’s better to let things go, especially if the issue is getting nowhere.  Proverbs 17:9 says, “he who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.”  Sometimes we feel the need to work out the problem until it is completely solved, but the thing is, friends don’t agree on everything and the situation isn’t always going to turn out the way we want.  By continuing to press at an issue it could turn friends away from each other rather than resolve the situation at hand. 

When you look at your friends, be ready to go through the good and the bad with them.  Don’t expect to agree on everything and never have any problems.  Because trust me, that’s not the case.  Instead, be ready to forgive their imperfections as well as admit your own imperfections.  As you journey on in your friendships and face certain trials which are bound to happen, seek the Lord for guidance and search your heart so that you would know if you are being a friend or a foe.                

            
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